I was three or four years old when I was invited to my first real birthday party.  It was a “real” birthday party because my older sister was going, too, and that meant our mom wasn’t staying.

I was so grown up.

Going to a birthday party meant the purchase of a gift was in order, and if you were a child in the ’90s, you probably got all of your birthday presents from Toys ‘R’ Us, too.  So Amanda Watermelon (or whatever her name was) was getting a Toys ‘R’ Us birthday present.

Toys ‘R’ Us was the MECCA of Barbies.  There was nothing else.  It was pink.  It was shiny.  It was…beautiful.

I couldn’t imagine wanting anything else–EVER–for my birthday.  And neither, I was certain, would Amanda Watermelon.

My Barbie obsession endured for YEARS; my lipstick fixation, however, was more short-lived and experienced its peak on the week of this birthday party.  Hey, I was going to a party–my first as a “big girl”–and I wanted to look good.

So when we rounded the corner and saw a box of PINK BARBIE CHAPSTICK…ohhh my goodness, there has never been greater excitement in the heart of a preschooler.

But I had to play it right.  I desperately wanted one of my very own, but how was I–a penniless toddler–supposed to acquire this for myself without the assistance of my mother’s wallet?  And how was I–a mere child entering into battle with my brilliant mother–supposed to outwit and outsmart her?  The way I saw it, there were three options:

1.  I could beg.

2.  I could beat her up and steal her wallet.

3.  I could earn it.  And fast.

But when I offered to do a backflip, all that came out was

Oh no!  I’d ruined everything!  I’d screamed “BARBIE CHAPSTICK!!!” at my mother!  Not only had the chapstick never been further from my grasp, my pride was slowly slipping away, too!  I needed to recover!  And fast!

And that’s how Amanda Watermelon got to have my Barbie chapstick.


My awesome sister (with whom I have shared probably every chapstick the two of us have owned ever in our lives) has an incredible memory, and GUESS WHAT I GOT FOR CHRISTMAS THIS YEAR?

Not one, but two Barbie chapsticks!  The flavor of which, by the way, is “sugar.”  (Guess they save all their creativity for Barbie’s outfits?)


(Sunglasses not included.)