My (Your?) Daily Bunny

Here’s the scene:  you have been running for fourteen years (with breaks, of course, because you’re no Forrest Gump), but a recent knee injury has upset your running routine.  You are naturally very, verrry sad about this.

(Okay, so obviously this story is about me [did the red hair give it away??], but just put yourself in my shoes for a second, okay?  Besides, they’re pink!  And who doesn’t love pink shoes?!)

But back to the story we are pretending is about you…

…On a sunny Saturday morning you decide you can longer stand the confinement of your house.  You are brave!  You are strong!  You can do this!  Knee injury or no, you are going running (dammit), and your knee is just gonna have to deal with that.

Nerves, excitement, and caffeine jumping through your veins, you lace up your pink shoes (ahhhh they feel good!!) and skip out the door.

You leap like a gazelle up the first hill.  You are free!  You are outside!  You are run-ning!

And then you fall.

You suddenly have serious regrets about the plans you’ve made for your Saturday.  You could be in bed!  Drinking coffee!  Reading a book!  But noooooo.  You had to go running, and now you are lying in the middle of the bike path praying the electric magenta hue of your shoes will fend off any oncoming cyclists.  You are not in bed.  You are not drinking coffee.  This is not a scene from the novel on your bedside table.

You  v e r y  s l o w l y  peel yourself up off the asphalt and start the long limp home.  You were sad before because you couldn’t run.  Now you are sad because you still can’t run, and also you have realized that you are a bit of a dummy.  What kind of idiot thinks to herself, “sooo I’ve got this knee problem, but–psh–that’s NO BIG DEAL”?  Apparently YOU are that idiot.

But–suddenly!–something wonderful happens!  Skies clear!  Tears dry!  Birds sing in magical mellifluous melody!  And it’s all because of–

–the adorable bunny rabbit hopping out of the hedges for the sole purpose of twitching its perfect pink nose at you.

But that’s how it will all start.  From then on, you will see an adorable, sweet, perfect little Peter Cottontail each and every day.  It will become a more important “one-a-day” than any vitamin, and you may or may not question the humor of praying for your daily bunny-I-mean-bread.

Oh, you.

Saying Hello: A Guide for Beginners

Okay, fellow runners:  What’s up with the not-greeting-each-other thing?  I see the same ten or twenty people in the exact same places along the trail by my house every single morning, and so naturally I say hello to them every single morning.  And still some of them literally squirm with discomfort when I do.  What’s the problem here?!  My head is very simple on this count, and I’m thinking, “You’re a runner! Cool, so am I! Let’s be friends!”  And what do you say to friends when you run into them?  That’s right, kids.  You say hello.  So stop making the trail feel like a middle school hallway.  Sheesh.

Since this is such a difficult concept to grasp, I thought I’d spell out the basics.

If we’re facing each other:

If I’m passing you from behind (sorry! it doesn’t mean you’re not doing great!):

If I’m being passed from behind:

(Note that you don’t even have to say anything when you’re running the same direction!  Speaking is totally optional!)

You don’t even have to actually form words to greet another runner!  You can literally just kind of exhale a hhhhi or grunt a mornnnninn if that’s all you can handle!  Your intention will be understood!

One caveat for morning runners, however:  You HAVE to brush your teeth before you leave the house.  Your body odor is one thing (hey, we all stink when we sweat), but your breath is something else entirely.  Especially if you are one of those exhale greeters I just mentioned.

If you realize you’ve forgotten to brush your teeth before you leave the house (and this applies in non-running situations, as well), be generous and keep at least six feet between you and everyone you speak to (more if you’ve been eating onions).

And don’t under any circumstances make creepy eye contact and not say hello.  That is just weird.